Gnomeowners, beware! Unbeknownst to you, that winsome little fellow peacefully surveying your garden from amongst the daisies is a far bigger threat to your survival than "zombies and adolescent vampires". According to author Chuck Sambuchino, a "class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert", so real and so close is the danger that he was moved to write a survival guide to awaken clueless gnomeowners to the peril they are in. HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK is "the only survival guide that instructs you on how to prevent and ward off a home invasion and eradicate [gnomes] from your property." Difficult as it is for me to believe that Seamus is plotting my demise while he pretends to be a symbol of "merriment and good will", I was nonetheless moved by this book to keep closer surveillance on my miniature music man.
If you'd like to know more about the book, I suggest you read my friend Mr. McGregor's Daughter's review on Carpe Geum. Like her, I received a copy of this book from the author and his publisher; all they received in return was an opportunity to educate me on the perils of gnomeownership.
It's just my imagination that he looks a bit more menacing than he did in the first picture ... isn't it? ISN'T IT?