How To Get Ready for A Day In The Garden

Roust yourself out of bed and begin searching for your gardening togs. Once you have found them, assuming they're not in the laundry room which can't be entered because that's the dog's sleeping chamber and you don't want to get her up yet, place the clothes upon your body and reassure yourself that that hole in a strategic area of your shorts really isn't that noticeable and you'll be careful not to bend over with your back to the busy street.

Put the water on to boil for coffee, and tell yourself for the 222nd time that you really ought to just use the danged coffeemaker even if it does take up valuable counter space. While water boils, check e-mail, Plurk, Twitter and gardening blogs.

Make coffee and head out, balancing mug in one hand and generous pinch of fish food in other, to feed the fish and take a walk around the gardens. Savor the first sip of coffee, being careful not to inadvertently eat fish food instead.

After feeding fish, spot noxious weeds that must DIE!DIE!DIE! and yank them while sipping. Look around to find where you put the weed bucket for that area and realize you need to deadhead a whole truckload of plants.

Slap at mosquitoes who are unaware that you haven't really started your day in the garden and are therefore off-limits to them. Spill coffee in process of slapping.

Acknowledge that mosquitoes have limited intellectual capabilities and therefore don't understand the rules.

Stand and stare at one particular spot in the garden. Contemplate. Slap another mosquito and return to house to fix another cup of coffee, eat breakfast and read paper.

[INTERMISSION during which above activities are accomplished.]

Unable to resist lure of computer, stop at desk to check e-mail and Plurk. Make self step away without answering anything.

Unlock front door, removing "good" clogs as you do, step out door and into garden clogs, open front gates. Remind self you need to put on insect repellent to discourage the wee beasties.

Remember that bucket with garden tools is in back, walk all the way around the house and go through back gate to find tools.

Stop to admire the view from the gate and sigh in delight at the beauty you see. While squinting, realize that wearing visor would be a good idea. Go inside to find visor. Stay well away from computer. Realize that you need gloves, as well.

Put on gloves, then recall that you never did put on insect repellent. Take gloves off and apply OFF. Put gloves back on.

Find keys to truck so you can move it and unload the bags of soil. Discover that it's hard to put key in ignition with gloves on. While taking them off, think to yourself that it might be a good idea to make a visit to the necessary room.

Upon exiting necessary room, see that dog needs to go out. Let her out in the back and think about what you can do out there until she's ready to go in, since she had surgery recently and shouldn't be left unattended.

Putter in back while dog does her thing. Remember that you need to move that tool bucket out front before moving truck, so leave dog briefly to walk through house with bucket. On way to put tools outside, pass rolling plant saucer that has been sitting by the front door since Hurricane Ike and think to self you really need to do something with the 2 pairs of pruners, hammer, sprinkler, fairy house and disgruntled fairy that are lying on said saucer.

Return to back and look for dog. Call dog several times before she limps into sight. As she makes her way inside, hear cardinal calling and realize that bird feeders are empty. Put dog in house and go out to garage to get birdseed.

Fill feeders, apologize to birds for not doing it sooner, pause for a moment to watch a butterfly in flight. Return to garage, put up seed bucket, find keys in pocket and move truck out front.

Think to self that unloading and spreading soil does not really feel like gardening. Give self stern talking to and FINALLY ... start day in garden!


Anonymous said…
Hi Cindy, what a hoot! Thanks for giving us a play by play of gardening prep work. You really are burning a lot of calories in the warm up to the real work, way to go! ;->

Anonymous said…
This reminds me of a Henry Miller essay, but yours is much more personal for me because of the lure of the computer and the slapping of the mosquitoes. Funny post!
MA said…
I was hoping you didn't forget the tool bucket and back the truck over it! Whew.
Anonymous said…
Excellent post, thank you. I have whole hours that pass without my knowledge while trying to get organised for a day's gardening including a great deal of time in the shed trying to remember what I went in there for, was it a tool? a pot? a sandwich? (if so you're in the wrong place, buster)
Gail said…
Except for the dog...that is so accurate but way more funny when you tell it! Gail
LOL - I've had days like those, too many, if you must know.
Kathy said…
Clearly a case of GADS. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to resist the computer to get anything else done.
This is a wonderful description of a typical day in my garden...although our mosquitos are rarely out except at dusk. I love the gloves on-gloves off-gloves true!
Cindy, MCOK said…
Frances, some days my gardening process is a comedy, some a tragedy. It's rarely dull, though!

Pam, glad you enjoyed it! I knew my fellow Texas gardeners could relate.

MA, the tool bucket escaped unscathed this time. I did lose a Martha Stewart crescent weeder that way though ... I set it down on the bumper of the truck and forgot it was there. :-(

James, I am dead chuffed not only that you stopped by my virtual corner of Katy but that you enjoyed the post. As for your searching for a sandwich in the shed, my feet frequently lead me to the wrong place before my brain catches up and I recollect where I actually intended to go.

Gail, it's always funnier in the retelling than it is to actually experience it!

MMD, I have way too many days like this, too!
Oh to spend a day in the garden! Your post today was so enjoyable, but then they always do put a smile on my face! :)
Happy Gardening!
Anonymous said…
This was a funny look at getting revved up for gardening.
Fall is well advanced here, so the gardening tasks are much fewer. Mostly I wistfully press my nose against the glass, and stare at the garden, envisioning the change of seasons.
Anonymous said…
Cindy, just reading this makes me tired, but it's a good kind of tired. :) ~~Dee
VP said…
That made me laugh so much :)

My mistake is I can never get past the computer though. You're stronger willed than I am!
Cindy, MCOK said…
Northern Shade, it's great to see you here. If you find yourself craving vicarious gardening thrills during your long winter, do stop by to see me. There's always something in bloom on my corner of Katy!

Dee, I'll admit to sometimes having to stop and take a breather before the real gardening begins!

VP, in the interests of full disclosure, I don't ALWAYS get past the computer. I can use the mouse with my gloves on, as long as they're not too dirty!